We took the two middle boys out in the RV for a surprise night in the desert. A little treat during the Christmas Rush. A chance for them to have Mom and Dad all to themselves without little baby girl  taking all the attention.

The drive only took 90 minutes, stopping for gas and footlong Costco hot dogs on the way .

Setting up camp is a cinch with only 4 people and the boys eager to help unload the wood and camp chairs. Dad drove the off road vehicle off the trailer and the boys danced a jig!

Hours were spent up and down hills , spinning donuts , and throwing rocks and kicking soccer balls, when they eventually climbed out.

Dinner was chili , s’mores and hot cider. There was no drama and relatively tear free from all parties ( including me) .

Finished it off with wine and whisky truffles by the fire for me and the hubby once they were asleep.

Fuel $50

Hot dogs $7

Seeing the boys enjoy themselves , priceless.

I am very much looking forward to watching this. I read the book about a year ago and could not put it down, I  recommended it to all my friends , and will watch closely and write my opinion soon!

I have been remiss in writing or posting anything on my blog for a while now. I didn’t lose interest in it, am still in the position to do so, but just couldn’t bring myself to make the effort.

Stepping back, and being honest,  I believe I was just “feeling down” over the last few months. Not a full blown depression, just ‘blah’. This is not a subject that society is fully comfortable discussing or admitting to. I will admit that to myself today and that is a huge step to getting “better”.

An outsider looking in at my life must wonder, why?? She is healthy, has a husband with a great job, big house, two cars , four kids, an Rv and frequent trips.

What they do not see is a 44 year old lonely , gaining weight, bored stay at home mom , who spends way too much time with 3 under 6 year olds, repetitive housework and taxiing them around to school, soccer and into the stores with me. No immediate family around to help break the monotony, or sit with them whilst I have an uninterrupted  soak in the tub.

I miss working as an RN, and delighting in seeing my kids after a long day of work because I missed them. I miss helping my patients and giggling with my colleagues. Being a stay at home mom is a position I thought I would love and whilst I love the kids, I would love them more if I could have a few hours break to refresh.

I had a friend whose youngest son left for the army, and on coming home to her empty apartment the day he left, sat in her car and sobbed. She described it to me as “a pity party of one” . I loved the descriptive. That was me . But not anymore. 

I see people coping with hardships in life , such as a lady I know who looks after elderly parents and has a Down Syndrome son, but still has a smile and good word for everyone.

I am fully aware aware that my life is a good one , but I need to look at the positives in my life and enjoy the moments as they are all too soon gone. I just needed to remind myself of this.

I can get a job in a couple of years , THEY can wait, my kids wont.

I can make the taxi rides more fun by turning up the songs on the radio and have the kids wiggle in their car seats .

We can watch movies that I like too.

Date night once a month with my husband.

Allocate small household tasks to others. Maybe one day I  just won’t make the beds or vacuum, and leave dirty dishes in the sink. No one will suffer from not doing them. We can order pizza.

Make phone calls to friends and reconnect whilst the kids are in the bathtub and I sit beside them.

The next time you ask someone “how are you?” please ask slowly , look them in the eye , and wait for a reply. If you haven’t heard from someone in a while , they maybe are feeling low and could use a call.

Well here I go, looking forwards, not backwards.

I’m not sure if I have mentioned in this blog, but I am a 44-year-old female with 4 children , ranging from a 6 foot 3 , man-child, 18-year-old in college, to a blonde beauty of 2 years old and two little gregarious boys of 6 and 4 in between. It is no secret that my husband and I adopted the three littles.

Growing up, I had friends in high school but never many at a time. I tended to ‘love’ one at a time. I am viciously loyal. My younger sister is 4 years younger and it seemed like too much of an age gap to hang out together at the time. No cousins around , so at an immediate disadvantage to those with big families (I was jealous of them, yes).

I did have about a hundred acquaintances at a time, but my focus was towards my friend at that time. I can talk the proverbial ‘hind legs off a donkey’ and pride myself that I can talk to most people about any subject. I know a little bit about a lot of subjects.

At my stage in life , my spread out family poses me no end of difficulty in maintaining friendships.

If I meet a lady at work or whilst at the store who seems to be around my generation, her children are already mid to late teens and when they find out I still have one in diapers who will be in a stroller on our lady lunches, they don’t call.

By the school gates I strike up conversations with some of the parents but they are about 24 years old and I could also be their mother !! That age gap doesn’t bode well for conversations outside of our children and their schoolwork and soccer game scores.

I don’t want to listen to gangster rap and hang out at their house whilst multiple other young people smoke and drink. I want sophisticated cocktails in an upscale hotel and to talk about travel and about books I have read.

I don’t want to join a mommy and me group as I have found it to be full of first time moms gooing and cooing over their first-born and talking incessantly about diapers and teething. I am so over that.

There must be many women in the same boat as me. Later babies and second blended families are the norm, or so I thought.  Hubby being away at work adds to the pressure.

I keep hoping that my new friend and I will bump into each other soon.

I relate this to trying to “pick up” women. How on earth do the men do it? I look around everywhere I go , scanning for a married female of 40 something with a large family of various ages that wants to go for drinks whilst the menfolk watch all those kids. Maybe a matching site for moms?

Lonely but surrounded by people. That’s my mating call.

The alarm goes off playing a twinkly little number to rouse me. I open one eye and remember there is no butler bringing me my morning coffee with a chocolate croissant. I have to get up, despite the urge to turn over and go back to dreamland.

I know within the next two minutes I will either see my smiling 4 and 6 year olds standing smiling, dressed from the clothes I had laid out the night before, and ready to have breakfast OR two cranky kids who refuse to come out from under the blankets. There is just no telling which it will be from day to day.

The mornings are especially hectic for me as I have 3 littles under 6 and it is no mean feat to juggle getting them out of bed, fed, and ready in about 20 minutes.

I generally throw 3 frozen waffles into the toaster and pour out 3 cups of milk whilst yelling for the oldest little to get dressed ( he is always the slowest) , the middle one to put his shoes on the correct feet (never fails, always puts them on wrongly despite daily instructions AND placing them on the floor in front of him in the right position) and trying to stop the baby running off with the afore mentioned clothing and shoes.

Even though I am organised enough to pack the lunches the night before, the backpacks are not immediately found (even though each boy has a hook for his). Finally the lunch is in the bag, the shoes have been changed around, clothing re-buttoned and off to the next hurdle….getting into the car.

Booster seats inevitably get tangled with seatbelts and cannot find the “clicky bit” of the seatbelt, there is a backpack , or shoe in the driveway as I reverse. As i look in the rear view mirror I can see 3 sticky faces looking at me. A baby wipe thrown in each’s direction and then I see myself. No make up on, wavy thick hair jetting off in all directions , jelly on my shirt and a bright red pimple on my chin. I put on sunglasses and hope I don’t bump into any of the glamamoms that somehow look like a million dollars at 7:30am . I need to get up earlier, I suppose. Nah, the sunglasses will work.

The drop off line irritates me. The concept is that you drive up in an orderly line, the child hops out and runs off to school waving happily, and the line moves on. The reality is: it is slower than molasses to move because the kids are not ready, parents chat to them , they have to find something on the car floor, the parent sits and waits to make sure they are right through the gate, gym equipment from the trunk, you get the idea.

I prompt my kids on the way to school about being a good student, polite and not to lose anything….okay when I say prompt, I mean threaten. Yes I threaten them that if they are naughty and fight or don’t do their schoolwork that there will be no treats or TV after school. A healthy approach to life I think. You have to behave to receive benefits.

By the time I arrive back home to clean up and get my cup of coffee I am frazzled.

The worst part is that this is five days a week. Roll on the holidays!

I was chatting to my paramedic/ firefighter hubby this evening as is our norm when he is away 5 out of 7 days (No, I’m not lonely, why do you ask?).
Casually going over the day with him and he tells me of a ‘still alarm’ at the station.
A 10 year old girl comes hysterically crying about having something in her ear.
J shines a pen light in there and out comes a little cockroach!!
Grabs it, kills it, saves her life.
Apparently bugs like this are attracted to light, just FYI.
YUK.

I was sitting downstairs , vaguely unsure of where all of my kids were (don’t judge, I knew they were all inside, at least) when I heard running upstairs. I yelled up to “stop running” , that is my call of the wild this month. They run by the pool, in the store, in their room , up the halls, on wet concrete….they just run.
There was no little response of ‘ sorry Momma’ as is the usual culprits’ reply and it spooked me.
Shit, the 21 month old was in the pack n play napping (yes, I knew where she was. She is my favorite this week).
I looked up he stairs to see her sitting on the second to top stair smiling and cooing “mammma”.
Well that will be that then. She can climb out of the cage , oops, make that the pack n play.
I rely on her being confined to allow me a moment to pee, dry my hair, vacuum , really whatever I don’t want her interrupting or being harmed by.
I don’t expect her to be a baby forever, but this opens a whole can of worms.
I can’t just plop her in there and get my 15 minutes of whatever. She will hop on out and be by my side pulling on me to pick her up. Even when she cried when I put her in there I could make funny faces or put the TV on to amuse her.
I now have 3 VERY active children under 5 running amok in our home! Help me. Please??