My eldest left home today.

My eldest child left home today. He is 25 years old and it was time. But I’m not ready. I’m not ready to let him go and make mistakes. I’m not ready for him to have his own troubles. I’m not ready to see him fail or fall. I’m just not ready. I never have been.

No amount of time makes one ready to let their child go , leave the home, and spread their wings.

I lay in bed last night thinking about the first night we spent together in the hospital after his birth , he opened his eyes and he looked over at me , so fragile and helpless but safe . Today he hugged me goodbye , 6 feet 3 tall and yet I still feel his helplessness. He loaded up his car and his room sits empty.

I’m sad. He’s gone.

I wish my eldest every happiness and all the luck on the world but I know he will have his share of troubles and heartbreak ahead of him , as I did. He will make the wrong decisions and choose poorly sometimes, as I also did. I want to protect him from everything but that’s not my place now.

My eldest son left home today and I’m sitting crying as he is excitedly unpacking in his new home.

Parenting has been a challenge, and I have 3 more at home still to raise. The first leaving is brutal and I hope I gave him a good start and guided him in the right direction.

The first born is something special. All the mistakes and adjustments are made , the trailblazer , and experiment, if you like.

I wish you well my son , I love you. Be safe , make good choices. Be happy.

A cup of tea and a hot bath for me , I think. This will take time to sink in.