I always wanted to be a mother of a large family. I got what I wished for, four children ,and for the most part , they bring me great joy.
But let me tell you, parenting is very hard work, emotionally and physically.
I was a very independent child, fairly responsible, and even if I had to copy someone else’s homework, it was always handed in on time ! I did not like being late for anything as it gave me great anxiety , and still does. This came from my mother who is never on time for anything.
I always believed that I would make my children into good citizens by teaching them basic human values but lately I’ve been questioning my own parenting skills.
My children are 21, 8, 7 and 4. The eldest is in his third year of college and a millennial. I need not say any more about him. He fits the model.
The younger siblings are quite spoiled in so much as they don’t want for anything. They have iPads, Wii game systems, toys, bikes, international vacations and the list goes on. There is always food on our table , they get taxi’d everywhere by us, homework is supervised and they are never late for school.
This morning I started thinking perhaps it was time for a fall. They need to learn to take responsibility for keeping their room tidy, getting up when I ask them to , or even setting an alarm and getting themselves up , as I had to do. I believe they should know how feels to be late for school, without their homework done and have to explain themselves to their teacher. Thus preparing them for employment later in life.
Life is not easy and by enabling my children, I am actually making their life harder in the long run and setting them up for emotional ruin. It’s that popular saying just now about ‘every child getting a trophy”, why should they?
In my day it was called the school of hard knocks and I believe it is time for a comeback. Integrity, respect, timekeeping, compassion, kindness, and manners are all learned and followed by example.
My children will have to start fending for themselves in the real world in a short time and I need to be the one to have prepared them ,not having wrapped them in bubble wrap. They need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and that life can be cruel, rewarding, and a happy place all at the same time.
Once they are adults and have their own children , they will look back and realise the time outs ,the need to use a tissue or napkin, to chew with their mouth closed, being grateful, opening doors for their elders, giving up their seat on a bus, a simple thank you to a server , making eye contact, putting down the phones at meals, washing their hands, the need for apologies and replacing of broken toys with their pocket money , were life lessons preparing them for the big bad world.
I go to bed at night, sometimes sad and guilty because I’ve told my children off or they have been sent to bed without dinner for stealing snacks but deep down in my heart I know that if I let them off with these ‘petty crimes of childishness ‘ , it could affect them in the long run.
This isn’t everybody’s way of thinking ,but it is mine. If, at 18 years old ,my children find themselves in jail for a crime they have committed or been an accomplice to , they will stay in jail for a least one night before I pick them up even if they are free after a few hours. They need to understand the severity of their actions ( and fight for their shoes).
I love my children and that is why I am about to become a different parent. It will be subtle and they might never notice, but I will know, and I will smile as they graduate high school , college , cry at their weddings and as I hold my grand babies knowing I made these kids into ‘good people’.
laundry and lemon curd 